Autism is NOT a disease

This piece was first published on Shao’s blog – Story of a Little Star on 10 September 2017.

Autism is not a disease.

When I hear parents talk about fighting autism, being a warrior mom, how much they hate it and want to win or cure their kids… I get where they are coming from. But I still cringe inside.

I want to tell them: Autism is not a disease.

I know they know that. They could probably quote books on what autism is. Probably know more than I do too. But it doesn’t stop them, and most people, from treating autism like a disease.

So I would like to say it over and over again.

Autism is not a disease. Autism is not a disease, and you cannot, must not, treat it like a disease.

It is not something you can battle, overpower, crush, fight, or stamp out. It is not a cancer, a tumour, or a virus.

Because autism is not a disease. It is part of who your child, my child is.

If you are battling autism, you are essentially battling your child. If I stamp out autistic behaviors, I stamp out my child’s behaviors, probably behaviors that bring her great comfort and help make sense of the world. If I deny her autism, defy it, then I oppress big part of her identity.

Autism is not a disease. You cannot kill it.

You can suppress it, but risk cultivating low self-esteem and frustration in the child. Imagine growing up in an environment where people are always telling you, directly or indirectly – – something is wrong with you; we need to fix you; what you are doing is wrong; don’t do what you want, do what I want! Ask yourself, how would you feel, being that child?

Autism is not a disease. It is a human condition.

It is a person who beats to his or her own drum. Do we stop to listen?

Autism is not a disease. You cannot fight it. But you can “kill” it with love.

You can “battle” it with acceptance, understanding and appreciation. You can “cure” it with a delightful approach and a non-judgemental attitude. I can “recover” my child, not by changing her, but by supporting her in making the changes SHE wants to make.

Autism is not a disease. Maybe it is more like a person who thinks differently than us.

Who has different religious or political beliefs. Who comes from another culture. Who has a different skin colour or gender. Who maybe, speaks a different language.

Autism is not a disease. Our children may be a little different.

They may be neurodivergent. But their heart beats the same as ours. They are happy or sad, just like we are. They want to laugh, just like we do. They seek comfort when down, just like us. And they want to be loved for who they are, just like we do.

So autism is not a disease. Being different is not a disease.

It’s a wonderful uniqueness to be embrace. It is an opportunity for us to be the kind of human beings we want to be. Everyday, I am joyful to have the chance to love my child fully, autism and all.

Autism is not a disease. It is a chance at the most complete kind of love I know.

I don’t need her to change for me to love her. I don’t need the world to see her differently, for me to love her. I love her whole. And she loves me in 1000 ways that is hard to describe  it’s not even like that. It’s not like she loves me because I love her and vice versa. We just… Love each other I guess, regardless  no conditions.

And if I failed a little bit today… If I was a little judgemental, too pushy or struggled to listen… It is an opportunity to love myself too. I can let go, forgive, and do better tomorrow… No, wait, I can do better right now!

So… autism is not a disease. It is a gift, like our child. It truly is.

Because we choose to see it that way 

Shao is from Malaysia.

Shao is the mom of Story.of.a.little.star on IG. She is intent on building a supportive, inclusive village for her autistic child. She believes that parents have the power to direct their own home programmes in partnership with their children. When she is not working in development or homeschooling her child, Shao enjoys bullet journaling and taking courses in play therapy.