10 Tips for Calming Down A Hyper Special Needs Child
No matter how well you know and love your child, there will be times when he or she is simply too much to handle. Perhaps the constant flapping or jumping has gotten out of control, or the loud shrieking has finally pushed you past your limits. Whatever the situation, it’s important to remember that you aren’t alone—many parents of children with special needs are in the same boat as you are. The key to helping your child calm down might lie in one of these 10 tips for calming down a hyper-autistic child.
This piece was first published on Sapphire Academy’s blog on 12 September 2022, here
No matter how well you know and love your child, there will be times when he or she is simply too much to handle. Perhaps the constant flapping or jumping has gotten out of control, or the loud shrieking has finally pushed you past your limits. Whatever the situation, it’s important to remember that you aren’t alone—many parents of children with special needs are in the same boat as you are. The key to helping your child calm down might lie in one of these 10 tips for calming down a hyper-autistic child.
1) Be empathetic
Empathy begins with listening and acknowledging the hardship of a special needs child. Reflecting feelings positively – whether through crying, wailing, playing, or writing – is healthy for everyone, even if these emotions are difficult to endure. It’s our job to guide our children and give them the tools needed to express themselves without hurting themselves or others. When we empathize with our children and validate their experiences, they feel understood. Everyone wants to feel validated, especially someone who often feels misunderstood or behind everyone else
2) Make them feel safe and loved
Picture source: Unsplash
Make them feel safe and loved. Sometimes, our children may find themselves in such a headspace that they cannot hear anything we’re saying. When this happens, the best thing we can do is to simply stay with or near them. Many times when parents try to talk a child down from their panic during a meltdown, it’s an exercise in futility. Instead, we can reassure them that they’re safe and loved – by being close enough for comfort.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seen a crying child reassured that they could only emerge from solitary confinement if they stop melting down; which tells the kid that ‘I’m sorry you’re having such difficulty,’ because you’re not allowed near me right now.’ This isn’t what we want our message to be sent to our kids! So then what should we do? Stay closer than ever before!
3) Eliminate punishments
Punishments can make children feel ashamed, anxious, afraid, and resentful. Special needs kids cannot control their moods, so they should not be punished for them – instead, they need to know that someone is there for them when these outbursts occur.
4) Break out your sensory toolkit
Keep a few sensory tools or toys in your pocket. You can offer these to your kid when their mind is overwhelmed. Kids have different favorites, but some common sensory tools include weighted lap pads, noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses, and fidget toys.
It’s not advisable to force these on your child when they’re melting down, but if they choose to use them, these products can often help them calm down.
5) Reassure them that they are loved and valued
Special needs children need to have a feeling that they are loved and valued and this assurance helps them feel secure and gives them confidence, it starts with love and trust. Giving your child the right treatment at an early age will help them be more confident in themselves. Private special education schools like Sapphire Academy allow parents to provide their child with the best education while giving parents peace of mind knowing that their child is being cared for by professionals who specialize in caring for children with special needs like autism.
6) Focus on your child, not staring at bystanders
Focus on your child, not gawking bystanders. Outbreaks for any child can get loud – but the noise levels are incredibly deafening when it’s autistic. Those moments can feel mortifying to parents whenever we’re in public and everyone is staring at us. We feel judged by those who say I would never let my kid act like that.
Or worse, we fear our worst nightmares are coming true: people think we’re incapable of being good parents all because one moment went wrong. Next time you find yourself in this intense public display of awkwardness (and yes, there will be a next time), don’t worry about what judgmental glances people may give you, or how scared you might be feeling inside. Remember that the person who needs your love and support right now the most is your child.
7) Identify how your child learns best.
Picture source: Unsplash
Everyone – whether with a learning disability or not – has their way of going about things. Some prefer to see, read, or hear information (receiving), while others perform tasks (active). You can help a child with learning disabilities by identifying which method they prefer. Is your son/daughter primarily a visual learner, an auditory learner, or a kinesthetic learner? Once you’ve determined which way suits them best, it’ll be easier for you to provide opportunities for them to learn that way at school and home as well. Here are some ways to figure out what kind of learner your son/daughter is.
8) Be consistent with rules at home and school
It’s very important that you set rules so that you are child is aware of them and there are high chances that your child will start following those routines. It is also vital to enroll your child in a special needs school for autism or special needs school where he/she can get the best education possible. Private schools for special needs, such as private autism schools near you, can offer great programs to help children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) learn better and develop their social skills.
9) Understand their feelings
Children with autism usually require special education, because they need to be taught differently. Those with disabilities will learn more and improve themselves if those around them can understand how they feel better – since this is happening inside their brain – so we should all strive to give these children a little extra compassion.
10) Talk with other parents with special needs children going through similar situations.
Talking with other parents going through similar situations, with children with special needs and how they calm their children down. Join a learning disorder support group. The encouragement and advice you’ll get from other parents can be invaluable. In some cases, these groups are led by a facilitator while others may have a guest speaker followed by an open discussion period. If you’re looking for support group information in your area, here are some tips:Picture source: Unsplash
The easiest way to find new info about local support groups is probably through a search engine or websites. You may find help through parents posting online or on some educational websites. You can type things like special needs parent support group or parent of a child with a disability – then add the name of your region or county into the filter so that only those near you will appear on the screen. When looking for specialty groups related to one’s specific disability – whether it be autism, Muscular Dystrophy, or Cerebral Palsy – check out schools, non-profit organizations, or nearby children’s hospitals for more info about what might work best in your case.
Conclusion
There is little we can do during a meltdown to teach our children how to cope, but when they are in a peaceful frame of mind and ready for learning, we can work on emotional regulation with them. Some kids respond really well to taking nature walks every day, practicing yoga often (some have a favorite type of cosmic kids yoga), and deep breathing. These coping skills help them stay calm – maybe even prevent a meltdown – when the child wasn’t near. Empathy is at the heart of all of these steps to handling an autistic child’s tantrum – because no matter how old they are, looking at their behavior as a form of communication gives us insight into what they’re trying to tell us by acting out. Parents who take this perspective will soon realize that autistic kids might be saying: I’m having stomach pain/a headache/overstimulated/understimulated/unsafe right now.
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Tabitha De Silva (M.Ed) Principal & Director (M.Ed, currently pursuing Ph.D.) Ms. Tabitha strongly believes that “every child has a right to education and to live a meaningful and purposeful life”. With more than a decade in the special needs industry, she returned from the middle east and established Sapphire Kidz to help meet the needs of many families in Kuala Lumpur. Her experience both locally and internationally has allowed her to create a space that welcomes diversity not only with her kids but with her teachers. Her passion and love to see all children thrive in life drive her leadership and direction for Sapphire Academy.
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